Perfectionism is completely unattainable – that distant ideal that seems so far from where we are or could ever be. Perfect is something we want so badly but it’s not real. And so we never get it. And then we hate ourselves for it. It’s a perpetual cycle of self-loathing which is oh so prevalent in dance and fitness. But there’s a big difference between striving for technical excellence and allowing perfectionism to destroy your entire relationship to dance or exercise.
In theory perfectionism should be a good thing. Perfectionists have high standards, set goals for themselves and tend to be good at meeting them. It cultivates discipline and commitment that is so highly valued in dance and fitness. But while you can see exponential improvements in your physicality (flexibility, strength, dexterity, etc), what happens to your mental health when you strive for constant perfection? Perfectionists often question if they’re good enough, especially if they set unrealistically high goals and then fail to meet them. With dance being an art form and fitness being an industry that idealises discipline and visual aesthetics, but with the human body having any number of perceived ‘flaws’, being subjected to them time after time in the mirror when you’re a perfectionist can be completely soul destroying. And the anxiety over executing every movement with precision can lead to feeling like nothing you do is good enough, and ultimately may cause you to leave dance or exercise entirely.
In dance and the fitness industry, many of the issues of perfectionism come from how training is delivered in the West, with focusing on noticing our flaws and how to correct them being a priority. There’s nothing wrong with having a clear goal, to be striving for improvement and achieving more. But there’s also nothing wrong with participating in dance and exercise for the sheer enjoyment of it. For the experience of moving your body, of sharing your truth, of connecting with yourself and others. And where perfectionism gives you the real kick in the teeth is the need to be constantly achieving more and more in order to give yourself permission to feel ‘good enough’. I have seen that need for constant affirmation lead people to leave dance completely. This is certainly common in Western forms of dance, but it’s also happening in non-Western cultural dance forms too. How often have you stepped offstage feeling like you failed because you made one mistake, unnoticeable to the audience?
In reality imperfection often leads to the most beautiful moments. In Flamenco, when the singer’s voice cracks from the sheer volume of emotion – duende – is something that is valued. There’s a moment in the song ‘Taro’ by Alt-J where the singer’s voice cracks and it’s my favourite moment in the whole song. In fact, I’d say it’s the main reason I love the song so much. It always brings a tear to my eye. Maybe it wouldn’t be so enamoured with it if he had sung it ‘perfectly’.
Perfectionism can lead to burnout and stage fright and can cause you choke at important moments. Think about auditions or performances. That constant strive for perfection can make you to be so focused on the movement that the viewers don’t see who YOU are as a dancer. It holds you back from being yourself. Or you’re so stressed about getting every single part of a choreography exactly as it was made that you can’t fully enjoy and express. Or you stop attending your dance or fitness class because you can never achieve that level you’ve set for yourself because it doesn’t even exist.
In dance I have seen this especially in those who are adverse to improvising. Improvisation can be messy, disorganised, chaotic, and perfectly imperfect. It can also lead to incredible breakthroughs, development and exploration of new movement pathways and being truly in the moment as you dance. But if you’re a perfectionist you’re never going to reach that flow state of being in the moment unless you can switch off the editor in your head telling you that move wasn’t right or scrambling to think of what you can do next that isn’t exactly the same as everything you’ve already done. That’s not what improvisation is about. Perfectionism will make you choke when your teacher asks you to improvise. And through not exploring improvisation you miss out on a whole aspect of education, especially in cultural forms where choreography isn’t traditionally part of the dance style.
So how do we fix this? One option is to think of how you would talk to a friend or student – would you talk to them the way you talk to yourself? This can be helpful in reframing negative self-talk. You can also give the voice in your head a name and choose when to ignore them – it’s easier to stop listening to Mavis than it is to stop listening to yourself! Try to avoid comparing yourself to others in the dance or fitness studio and accept that we’re all on different paths and different points in the journey. Their successes don’t diminish yours. See others as inspiration, not sources of making yourself feel worse. And begin to acknowledge that perfection is a construct – one which we idolise and idealise but ultimately isn’t true or real. Nothing is without its flaws. Even the masters aren’t perfect. Start to reconnect with why you began your dance or fitness journey in the first place, keep reaching your goals and enjoy the process. Because the process is where you learn the most – you can’t learn anything from being perfect.